Stop believing you're doing it wrong, or you'll never get it, or you don't have what it takes, or your horse won't ever get it because it's taking too long.

The twenty minute rule was taught to me many years ago by a human psychologist. He said that in most situations there are factors that make us believe we should give up, that things will always be this way, primarily emotional factors. We might, for instance feel depressed and believe that we are always going to feel depressed and therefore we should give up or feel anxious about it. But then he said. The irony is that, unless adrenalin is involved, most emotions rarely last more than twenty minutes before recycling. Which means, even anxious people take a deep breath and feel something else beside anxiety every twenty minutes or so.

You could cycle back into the emotion but... our reality gives us a window to make new choices more often than not. If a person could remember the twenty minute rule they would be able to persist through all kinds of challenges knowing, as the Bible says, "This too shall pass!"

When it comes to horse training, the twenty minute rule is critical. Just yesterday I was teaching a class with a few challenging horses and new students. When one particularly difficult thing came up for one of the students, I noticed her attempting the task only once or twice then giving up. I stepped in and asked how she was doing. She said she tried but it wasn't working and she didn't want to do it wrong so she stopped asking.

I told her something I tell all my students. "Don't give up so quickly. And... there is no such thing as wrong unless the technique you're using is abusive and extremely dangerous to you or your horse."

Stop believing you're doing it wrong, or you'll never get it, or you don't have what it takes, or your horse won't ever get it because it's taking too long.

Naturally, this kind of comment is confusing at first. We all have a deep seated fear of being wrong or doing things wrong so when I say there is no wrong I feel the questions pop up. What I mean is the horse can learn to respond to just about any technique. Some techniques are more logical than others but any technique works if you persist. This means you can make a horse go forward by pulling on the reins or backward by squeezing with your heels. Those aren't logical directional cues but if you persist, your horse will figure out your unique way of asking and respond. Therefore, you can stop buying the line that there are right and wrong techniques. Most of us who have been training for a long time know this, and further more, when we've been stuck in the past we've even invented some of our own techniques when no-one was around to show us a better one.

The point is... stop thinking you're doing it wrong and persist a little longer even if you suppose there might be a better technique. When you second guess yourself you often quit at the wrong time and inadvertently reward the wrong behavior. My old teachers would say, do your feeling during the day and thinking at night. Which means allow yourself to go with it and learn from it, then later review and rehearse some new thoughts about it.

On the subject of the twenty minute rule this simply means most horses start to figure out what you want after about twenty minutes of attempting to understand you. If you give up in the first five minutes you're not really ever gonna get anywhere. Sure, some things are easy and they make you feel like everything should be easy, but the truth is, some things are hard for horses to understand and it's worth persisting to the point where they do understand. That's real communication after all.

Also regarding the twenty minute rule, if your horse is being emotional, please remember it doesn't last. Just be patient, work thought it, don't give up, he'll settle down soon. Unless adrenalin is involved, most of the time you just have to wait for a calm window to open up and it usually takes... you guessed it. Twenty minutes. So next time you feel like the hard thing you're trying to tackle will never end, remember, you can do this. Anybody can last twenty minutes at a task as long as it's not physically taxing to the point of oxygen depletion. Take a breath. Know you can get through the tough times. I believe in you!

Comment below as well and tell me how this will change how you interact in tough times. Don